That's when you crack a 10am beer
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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