nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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