I'm going to jail i love you
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
