Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
