these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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