I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
