If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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