the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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