how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
