Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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