I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
