Sry I called you an 8
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
