Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize