I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
