we're chasing vodka with high fives
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize