U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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