I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
