My sheets look like a crime scene.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
