Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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