possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
