woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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