Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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