I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There r osticjed everywhere
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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