yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
