My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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