So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
