Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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