I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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