thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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