Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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