somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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