i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
