it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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