Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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