Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
