it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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