I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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