During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
