I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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