So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
