shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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