You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
