Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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