i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
