you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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