I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you win again, gameday.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
