Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
