I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
