idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
