the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
