Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
