before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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