Pappa wants mamma naked
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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