i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
