K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
