Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
