Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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