I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
