If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
