the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
