walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I forget how to act sober
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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