well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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